Fake Weddings, Duplicate Weddings and doing a wedding “With A Friend”
This article has been written with full support from BDM and in collaboration with Celebrants Aotearoa, the Celebrant School and the Celebrant Training College. The statements made in this article are based on accurate and current information.
WHAT IS A FAKE WEDDING? HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT TO A DUPLICATE WEDDING? AND CAN I DO A WEDDING WITH A COUPLE’S FRIEND?
There is a lot of talk around these topics and has been for some time, with a few misconceptions and a lot of confusion about the difference between fake weddings, duplicate weddings and “my friend is going to do the ceremony, I just need you to do the legals”, along with what your legal obligations are as a celebrant in Aotearoa.
In this article, we are going to explain what the differences are, and how you can best field enquiries when these come your way, ensuring that you are protecting yourself as a celebrant whilst also offering the best service to your clients.
But first, we need to ascertain what a legal ceremony is, according to BDM:
Section 31 of the Marriage Act 1955 provides:
(1). Every marriage solemnised by a marriage celebrant shall be solemnised at a place described in the marriage licence in respect of that marriage. (2). Subject to Subsection (3) of this section, every such marriage shall take place between the persons named in the licence according to such form and ceremony as they may think fit to adopt, and shall be solemnised by a marriage celebrant and in the presence of two or more witnesses. (3). During the solemnisation of every such marriage each party must say to the other:
"I AB take you CD to be my legal wife (or husband)" or words to similar effect.
In a marriage ceremony, couples can write their own vows as long as they say “I [name] take you [partner’s name], to be my legal [wife/husband/partner]”, or something similar, to each other at some point in the ceremony.
It is your legal obligation as a celebrant to ensure that the legalities of the ceremony are taken care of, and that you aren’t willingly taking part in a ceremony that breaches these laws.
And so, what are the differences between fake, duplicate and “legals only” weddings, and what do you need to know to cover your butt as a celebrant?
FAKE WEDDINGS
A fake wedding is where there is a ceremony that is deliberately and intentionally portrayed as being a legal marriage under the Marriage Act 1955 (or a civil union pursuant to the Civil Union Act 2004) as the parties have done this knowingly and wilfully without obtaining a marriage licence and/or having a registered marriage celebrant officiate.
It may also be that the parties believe their wedding is legal, but the person marrying them is pretending to be a registered marriage celebrant. This is normally when the intention is to be false and deceptive, even if no harm is intended.
Some examples of this are:
Mary and John have planned a wedding ceremony, but John isn’t actually legally divorced from his first wife. Mary and John decide to proceed with the ceremony anyway, not letting their guests know that it’s not a legal ceremony. They have a friend pretend to be their celebrant, fake the signing of the particulars, and have a ceremony that, to all who were present, appears to be a legit ceremony when, in fact, it is not.
Anna and Jacob want to get married, but they don’t care about the legal side of things. So, they ask their friend Adam to lead a ceremony for them, even though Adam is not an approved celebrant in New Zealand. They do not apply for the marriage licence and instead, make up fake particulars to sign on the day. They know they are not legally married but their family and friends do not.
Elliot wants to be a celebrant but doesn’t want to bother with applying formally. Nevertheless, he thinks he’s pretty good at officiating and starts to advertise his services. He deceives couples to conduct ceremonies under the guise of being a registered celebrant when he is not.
Note: these apply to civil unions as well.
These are examples of potential offences that could end up in conviction:
it is an offence to knowingly and wilfully pretend to be a marriage celebrant and marry a couple. On conviction, the person could be imprisoned for up to 5 years.
Marriage celebrants commit an offence if they encourage or assist someone to pretend to be a celebrant. On conviction, the celebrant could be imprisoned for up to 5 years.
If a marriage celebrant was involved and they married the couple outside the legal requirements, on conviction the celebrant could be imprisoned for up to 5 years or a fine of up to $600, or to both.
I think we can all agree that fake weddings are not cool, and they’re not something we, as celebrants, should be even considering engaging in.
But that does not mean we can’t do weddings alongside a friend or family member (but we will get to that shortly).
DUPLICATE WEDDINGS
This scenario is a little more complicated
A duplicate wedding is when a couple deliberately marry in a registry-type ceremony with the intent to hold another “ceremony” at a later date. Couples might see this as an appealing option - they can get their friend or family member to do the follow-up ceremony as it may be more personal for them and cover off the legal stuff for a lower cost.
A duplicate ceremony can occur, but these should be described as a commitment ceremony, renewal of vows or similar. It must be made clear to all those attending that the couple are already married. These types of events may occur immediately after the legal marriage or years later.
Celebrants can participate in these, on the proviso that the purpose of the event is made clear in invitations, to those in attendance and on social media. Celebrants cannot misrepresent a commitment ceremony as a legal marriage.
If you are approached by a couple to do “just the legals” and you know that they are going to be having a ceremony later in that week, it’s your obligation to make sure they are aware that they cannot misrepresent that event as their legal wedding.
It’s important that you cover yourself by ensuring that they are aware of the potential legal ramifications of faking a wedding (see above!). But of course, you don’t have to be a dick about it – many couples genuinely don’t realise this is illegal, and gentle education is much nicer than growling them like naughty school children. You can be clear on the legal obligations without being mean. And once you’ve told them, it’s out of your hands.
It’s also good to remember that couples may be able to have a change of relationship from a marriage to a civil union and vice versa. These are legal ceremonies and can occur back and forth as many times as the couple wants.
Which brings us to the final point –
DOING “JUST THE LEGALS” WHILE A FRIEND “MARRIES” THEM
We find that this is where most of the misunderstanding lies in weddings of this nature.
We all know the email enquiry line:
“Hi! My friend Derek is going to marry us but we need a celebrant to do just the legals while he does everything else. Is that ok?”
And so, is that okay?
Well, yes … and no.
You can’t sit at the back silently watching the entire proceedings while Derek conducts the ceremony, pretending that he is the one and only legal celebrant present. And why would you want to do that, anyway?!
But what you can do is find a happy medium where you are happy, Derek is happy and the couple are happy … and, more importantly, BDM are happy.
As the legally appointed celebrant, you must:
Be observed by all those attending the wedding to be visibly officiating over the couple in the exchange of their legal vows (the legal vows are the line, “I [full name] take you [full name] to be my legal husband” or words of similar effect). This part of the ceremony may only take a few minutes.
Identify yourself to all present as the legally appointed celebrant
Oversee the signing of the paperwork and emailing to BDM for registration.
And so, a good split of a ceremony with a friend could look something like this:
You intro yourself to everyone as the legally appointed celebrant, here to take care of all the legal things and to make sure it’s all done correctly. And then introduce Derek as the person there to take care of the love story/the juicy stuff/deliver the goods.
Derek can do the love story, the intro about marriage ... heck, he can say whatever he (and the couple) likes.
You then slide on in to do the legal stuff: visibly officiating over the exchange of the vows that each parties says to the other. This take cares of all the legal side of things and you’re a good, visible presence so there is no confusion as to who the celebrant is and what is going on.
Derek can then come back in, finish up the ceremony, crack a few inside jokes and pronounce the couple married. Because, of course, announcing the couple as married is not in and of itself a legal sentence.
This is a great example of how you can share a ceremony with a friend or family member, whilst also maintaining your professional standards and legal obligations. It can be a lot of fun doing ceremonies this way, and let’s be honest – you’re the professional in the situation so you’re going to look amazing and polished no matter what!
Again, part of our role here is to educate people on things that might seem obvious to us but aren’t so obvious to the general population, and we can do so in a way that’s kind and uncondescending, not mean and dicky.
A response to an enquiry like the one above could be something like:
“Thanks so much for your enquiry! I would love to officiate your wedding alongside your friend Derek, but there are a couple of legal sides of things that I will need to take care of during the ceremony. As long as I can introduce myself clearly at the beginning of the ceremony (as the legal celebrant there to take care of the legal side of things), Derek can take over and tell your love story and whatever else he/you want him to say. I will need to oversee the middle part of the ceremony (there are a couple of legal parts that I will need to take care of, like the full names and overseeing the vows) and then he can come back in again to finish, announce you marriage and get you to kiss! So much fun!”
Remember: if you ever don’t feel comfortable with an enquiry, you are allowed to say no to the booking. Weddings like this don’t suit all celebrants, and that’s okay – there is a celebrant out there for all couples and a couple out there for all celebrants. But if you do choose to pass on the booking, remember that we are here to educate couples, not tell them off for what is likely not a nefarious enquiry.
And if you do decide to do a ceremony alongside Derek, make sure you charge your full fee – it’s still taking you out of commission for a wedding that day, and you’ll be doing your job even if you’re not talking the whole time. Sometimes these Derek-types will ask you for advice in the leadup and on the day, so that’s where your expertise will come in, and another reason to charge for your time. And like we’ve already said, it’ll make you look really good at your job!
The most important part of your role as a legally appointed celebrant in Aotearoa is to maintain your legal and ethical integrity, and the key to this is simply knowing what the parameters and your obligations are.
If you become aware of someone impersonating a celebrant, you can report this to BDM but also make sure that you understand the difference between fake, duplicate and “friends” weddings.
AND, MOST OF ALL, BE NICE TO THE COUPLES –
most couples out there aren’t intentionally trying to be deceitful and it’s part of our role to educate them so that they can still have the best outcome from their wedding, whilst not landing themselves (or you) in prison at the end of it.
Because that’s less than ideal and not on our 2025 bingo card.
This article has been written with full support from BDM and in collaboration with Celebrants Aotearoa, the Celebrant School and The Celebrant Training College. The statements made in this article are based on accurate and current information.