Wedding Rituals That’ll Make Your (Trad) Granny Blush

WEDDING RITUAL:

a symbolic action that celebrates the couple’s love and commitment, mark a transition in social status from singlehood to marriage, and reinforce the union as a public and communal event.

Right-o.

We kinda prefer our definition:

Wedding ritual: a thing that a couple can do during a ceremony that they want to do, for reasons that may or may not make sense to anyone else, in any way that they want to do it.

About them, for them.

Also: not essential or required in every wedding ceremony, contrary to what you might read or hear elsewhere.

In other words, wedding rituals aren’t compulsory and, with wedding trends moving away from the old fashioned, “traditions” that were largely based on church weddings and towards more modern trends and ideas that hit social media and go viral throughout the wedding world, the very idea of wedding rituals has changed greatly.

Long gone are the days of sand ceremonies and candle lighting being the only thing you could do to signify the joint union of two lives etc etc – we are here to give you some ideas of wedding rituals that are fun, unique and maybe even a bit out of left field, because, well, why the heck not?!

And so, if you want to offer some cool/fun/crazy ideas to your couples (reiterating, of course, that they don’t have to do these things to make their ceremony legit, that a ritual-less ceremony is just as valid as any other and that everything they choose to do at their wedding is awesome because it’s what they chose to do!), here are some options:

drink mixing / cocktail making

The idea behind a sand ceremony is simple: once the different colours of the sand granules are mixed together, they can’t be separated any more, thus symbolising that the marriage itself is now unbreakable, that they cannot be separated (remember metaphors from Year 10 English?)

And do you know what else can’t be separated once it’s combined?

liquid.

Whether the couple have two drinks they particularly love (think: Vodka and Champagne) or two drinks that mean a lot to them both (Whiskey and L&P for a couple who are Scottish and Kiwi), or just two drinks because it’s a combo they happen to fancy (Coke Zero and Lemonade – because of course it doesn’t have to be alcohol based), having them make a mixed drink during their ceremony can be a great way to break the nerves and get a good reaction from their guests, and who doesn’t want some of their fav drink mid-ceremony?!

Bonus points if their mixing skills leave a lot to be desired and the drink is unexpectedly strong and causes that involuntary shudder – because of course marriage isn’t without its shudder-inducing moments as well!

Along the same lines as this, if the couple don’t want to mix a drink, they can always do a shot of their fav tipple (again, for all the above reasons) or even mix a full-blown cocktail for the whole crowd. 

Other things that, once mixed, cannot be undone:

When you think about it, there are a lot of things in life that, once combined, are a pain in the butt to separate. It’s not just coloured sand and strongly mixed drink combinations, and the options really are unlimited.

And so, if you have a couple who are particularly interested in including some kind of “thing” in their ceremony, have a think about who they are and what their interests are.

 Are they nerdy scientists? Give Elephant Toothpaste a go!

What is Elephant Toothpaste, we hear you ask?

You can find all of the information here and you’ll certainly want to don some safety glasses and stand back, but it’s always a good time and a guaranteed win at any celebration.

Mid Ceremony Star Jumps

Okay, we know that this is a pretty tame one, but it still falls into line with the others in the sense that it’s “breaking the protocol” or some shit. We dunno but we love it.

Imagine you have a couple who are highly stressed, super nervous and have a lot of pent-up energy. What’s the best way to get rid of some of that that energy so the couple can focus on the task at hand? Well, sex is the best way but perhaps not the most practical in this scenario, so we’re going for second best – star jumps.

Just get the couple to whack a few out (star jumps, you dirty mind) and maybe even join them too. Feels great, looks ridiculous - all the best combinations.  (It can also be a helpful tactic to make a toddler smile from behind the camera in a group shot, and that’s a freebie, you’re welcome). 

choosing the witnesses

As you will know, any two people can be the legal witnesses (with a few exceptions, ofc) and encouraging the couple to have a bit of fun in selecting the witnesses is always a good shout.

Sure, they can tie ribbons to chairs or put a treat under a seat or two. Or, you could throw items into the crowd and the lucky couple who catch them are the witnesses.  Or you could have tickets ala a meat raffle at a school gala.  In fact we have seen this done where the couple also gifted a meat slab as an extra prize to the witnesses!

But why stop there?

Perhaps the couple are in a consensual polyamorous or throuple relationship and want to include their metamour in the ceremony. And why not? Anyone that is part of the couple’s story is part of the ceremony, right? Getting them to serve as witness is such a special way to recognise their relationship and include them in some nice photos.  .

Oh! Another idea that works really well if you’ve got the right crowd – make choosing the witnesses a whole giant game – an elimination game followed by rock-paper-scissors play offs until two people are left standing.

Games are fun!

Wearing white 

Gasp. Yes, you read that right. Wearing WHITE to a wedding. Heavens-to-Murgatroyd, you cannot be serious.

The old-fashioned ideals about what you can and absolutely must not wear to a wedding, right through to viral TikTok’s, would lead you to believe that wearing white to someone else’s wedding is the Actual Biggest Cardinal Sin of All Time © and would make most see this move as, quite simply, career suicide. The literal worst.

But, what if - crazy idea, we know, but bear with us – the couple ask you to wear white?

Like, they love the idea (maybe everyone is in white, or maybe the bride is wearing a colour other than white, or maybe the couple are two gorgeous grooms both in black tuxes and/or maybe the couple genuinely (a) do not give a shit and (b) like the colour white) and specifically request that you wear it if you want to.

Guess what? You. Are. Allowed. To. Wear. White.

It’s okay.  No one will die or confuse you with a bride, we promise.   

costumes and other outfits

And, of course, the same applies to costumes and most everything else that you can wear as a celebrant. If the couple want you to wear an inflatable T Rex costume, wear the dinosaur. If they want you to wear a particularly short or low cut dress, or one with strappy straps or a slit that would rival Angelina Jolie’s red carpet lewk – do it. 

If they want you to wear nothing at all because they are naturists (or is it naturalists, we can never remember and it’s a dangerous word to get wrong…) and it’s a nude wedding and you’re onboard – then do it!  For some celebrants this would be a bucket list wedding and for others they’d run for the hills from the inquiry, but luckily there’s a celebrant out there for every couple, and vice versa. 

Sure, there are plenty of people out there, both within the industry and within the families of the couples getting married (and, not to mention those viral keyboard warriors online) who will tell you what you can and cannot wear to a wedding, but our advice? Screw ‘em.

Just ignore the haters, you’re there to serve your couple that day so do what they are most comfy with (and, of course, what you are comfy with – hello, nude ceremony!)

food and drink

We aren’t talking about post-ceremony canapes and a tidy glass of champers here – we are talking about food and drink during the ceremony.

Because why the hell not? (are you sensing a theme here yet?!)  If the couple shared their first date drinking coffee, then why can’t everyone be served coffee during the ceremony? Or if they met scooping ice cream, then why can’t Mr Whippy serve everyone up a sweet treat before go time?  And we’ve all seen the videos online with the beer-boys in place of flower girls – grown men coming down the aisle at the start of the ceremony handing out beers and/or shots to a lucky few guests. What a treat.

Anything goes, team – anything goes!

walking down the aisle

Now, we know that traditionally the Father of the Bride walks the Bride down the aisle but what if, hear us out – the bride walks down the aisle by herself. Or, gasp, the couple walk down the aisle together.  Or double gasp, there is no bride!  Or, gasp gasp (gasp?), the couple walk down the aisle together, or they are already there and all the guests strut the aisle instead!

Sure, G-ma might clutch her pearls but that’s okay because, say it with us: if the couple are happy, we are happy.

Chucking personal things into vows

No, Uncle Neville – it’s not “trivialising” the “sanctity” of “marriage” if Tony promises to always cook Mac-n-cheese for his beautiful husband, or if Helen promises to always show her bewbs to David even when they’re both in their 80s, or if Jessica promises to keep slapping Adam’s firm tooshie on the good days and the bad days.

Friends – we will say this louder for the people at the back: IT DOESN’T MATTER as long as the COUPLE stay true to who THEY are.  Some people love the traditional “in sickness and in health” type vows and some people want to swear or sing or laugh or cry their way through their promises, and all are entirely valid. 

Look – we know that a lot of things on this list aren’t “rituals” as such, and that’s deliberate on our part.

Because we really do believe that the very concept of rituals needing to be in a wedding ceremony is outdated and a bit old fashioned (like, from the 1900s even).

Of course, and always, if the couple choose to have candle lighting or sand pouring in their ceremony, we will encourage them and be super enthusiastic about it.  Especially if the sand has come from meaningful beaches or kids are involved in the ritual because that’s personal to them and we love that.   

But also, if the couple want to do something that’s a bit (or, a lot) out there, then we are going to be encouraging and super enthusiastic about that as well.

We are here to guide our couples to get the most out of our expertise and to give them a rad wedding ceremony – but we are not there to push our own ideals onto the couple and make it about us or about the rituals that we feel a ceremony must have to be a legit ceremony.

And so, in summary – ritual schmitual. Let’s scrap that word and start afresh with a different approach:

What can we do as celebrants to make a couple’s ceremony amazing?

 Listen to what they want, what they love, and who they are – and take it from there. It’s a win-win situation for all.

 Nude weddings included.